By DeAnne Petersen
I never believed in reincarnation mostly due to my upbringing. When we die we go to Heaven or Hell. In these last few months my beliefs haven’t changed towards the Almighty God, but I have begun to see how those loved ones that have passed on can come back to finish what needs to be finished and say what needs to be said.
My brother, Ronnie, died on May 16, 1987. I was devastated to say the least. We were very close in age, 20 months apart, and I knew him better than anybody. He was very loving and caring towards his family and everyone around him. He made people laugh with his witty sense of humor no matter how depressed they were. Because he cared so much about his family. He was very protective over me and cared very much about what happened to me.
He also cared very much about what other people thought about him. Unfortunately, he had his share of problems. If he did something wrong he usually got caught, he was careless in that way. Life was hard for him no matter how hard he tried to live it and live it right. He was hurt easily because he was not the type of person to deliberately hurt someone else.
After we buried Ronnie he came to me in a dream. I can still remember it like it was last night. We were in a very beautiful cemetery. Ronnie was standing on the top of a hill that was covered with the greenest grass. Not like anything you would ever see on earth. I was crying and as I was walking towards him he said, Don’t cry DeDe, I’m happy and I’m in heaven.
In my heart I already knew he was. I just never expected my BIG BROTHER to die. I took advantage of having him here. I couldn’t imagine going through life without him and was having a hard time pulling myself together or understanding the reason God took Ronnie. Why Ronnie? I would ask over and over. From what I know now about life and all of its ups and downs, Ronnie was not strong enough, therefore God chose to take Ronnie when he did and in his place gave me a beautiful daughter.
My daughter, Kendra, was born on September 14, 1986 eight months prior to Ronnie’s death. Ronnie loved his niece. Every time he would walk in the door at our house he would say Where’s my niece? and would continuously ask that question until he was holding her in his arms. There was a special bond between Ronnie and Kendra, and now it all is becoming very clear to me how or why such a bond was created.
I was a mother at 19, young and not in love with Kendra’s father. I wanted out and believed Ronnie had the answers, but he didn’t. He loved Doug as a brother and wanted me to be with him. Doug and Ronnie were very close and he was not in a position to give out the advice I needed. The last thing he ever said to me was DeAnne, you need to make your own decisions. And then he passed on. Within a month Kendra and I lived with my mother, and since then it has been a very bumpy road for me. Kendra now lives out of state with her father, and they are, too, very close.
On Kendras last unforgettable visit, Thanksgiving, 1994, I saw a lot of what I always knew was there. With every visit I can see Ronnie in her more and more. Things she says and the way she is with everybody around her, leaves an impression and she is not easily forgotten.
Kendra has asked me on numerous occasions to take her to the place Ronnie’s body was laid to rest, and for some strange reason, I gave in this time. I could feel the anxiety Kendra was feeling and I knew that it was time. She sat right on top of his grave and talked to him like it was something she did every day. I don’t know what she said to him, and I didn’t ask, but whatever it was, Ronnie heard her. I just know he did, because Kendra seemed to be at peace.
I was suppose to go to Minnesota with Kendra and Doug after this visit, but I had changed my mind for my own reasons. I made sure that I was the one to break the news to Kendra. Her dad was sure that she would be extremely disappointed. I knew that after I explained exactly why I had changed my mind she would understand. After explaining why I chose not to go, she said to me Mommy, I’m not mad. You have to make your own decisions.
Kendra said, I remember Uncle Ronnie. I have tried to explain that there is no possible way she could. She was only a baby when he died, but through those sparkling blue eyes I can see that she does. She told me about some dreams that she had about Ronnie. She never goes into complete detail about her dreams, she only tells me the key points of each dream. On one occasion she dreamt that she was in Heaven kneeling in front of God with Ronnie right beside her. He was also kneeling. She said God was blessing us, Mommy. On another occasion she said Ronnie came to her and said, Do not be afraid to die.
I often wonder if God gave me a real live Angel to help guide me through my life. Kendra radiates the beauty that only an Angel can hold. The glow of light that surrounds her touches the heart and soul of each person that she comes in contact with.
Maybe its just because I’m her mother that I see what I see in her. Maybe the loss of my brother had such an impact on my life that God gave Kendra all of Ronnie’s good traits along with her own to make it easier to face his death, or maybe Ronnie does somehow live inside her like a Guardian Angel to help me through the rough times I so needed my brother for. Maybe its just a figment of my imagination or wishful thinking, but it helps to be able to hold on to that memory of a loved one taken away and sent back through dreams, visions, or other people.
To me, my daughter is an Angel sent from above with the loving traits of a man whom I loved very much, and the love he felt for me radiates, times ten through the beautiful gift of my daughter.
Published U.S. Legacies June 2005
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