What a Family Tree Means to Me

Miscellaneous Genealogy Questions and Comments
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Trudy
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Joined: Sun Feb 19, 2023 10:38 am

What a Family Tree Means to Me

Post by Trudy »

By: Lee Thatcher



Watching the latest Nascar race with my husband, I was impressed by the number of driver dads who had sons and grandsons who also are racecar drivers. Its a family legacy. I couldn’t help but wonder if, by some chance, these children had been adopted into a family that didn’t have racing in their blood, would they still have been attracted to the sport?



It’s the basic nature vs. nurture question. How much of who we are - our personalities, proclivities, desires and abilities, are built-in, and how much of who we are - is formed by our environmental conditions?



By now most of us are aware of the numerous research studies done on identical twins that are raised apart. A startling number of inexplicable similarities exist in the siblings lives despite different parents, location, and economic and social conditions. So, one can conclude that indeed, genetics certainly play a huge role in our destinies.



This brings me to the point. Genealogy is seen by some as irrelevant. They argue that who we are is who we make ourselves to be, or even that although our parents and grandparents may have been a certain way, it doesn’t mean that we will be like them. I have to agree that there is a large amount of truth to this also. Who can explain the gifted child musician, for example, in a non-musical family? Why do some children seem to be nothing like their parents or grandparents in either looks or disposition?



The answer is that nature and nurture are both equally influential in making us who we are--and there are other factors as well. But is our family tree really important? Does it help us to know where we came from? I know that it does.



Family values, ideals and experiences are passed down to us at a very early age. We absorb our parents point of view, character, personalities, and interests. Whether they are positive, negative or a mixture of both--these earliest experiences mold us. Later in life, as our own personalities develop, the sphere of influence over us grows to include media, friends, authority figures, books we read, and the list goes on. It is when most of us decide to raise families of our own, that our earliest conditioning and upbringing are really brought to bear upon us.



Once I was married, it became vitally important to me to seek out the advice and wisdom of my family. This is a worldwide cultural fact of life. Parents hand down knowledge and wisdom to their children. It is even true in much of the animal kingdom.



However, what if you don’t have that basis of support? Suppose your mother, or father, or both are gone? What if, like me, your family tree has a lot of cut off or rotten branches? What if you climb out on a limb, only to have it fall out from under you?



Sometimes our searches lead us to conclude that we really are only who we choose to be. The identity of my mother’s father is unknown. My father’s family cannot seem to trace their line back over fifty years, and my father died an untimely death due to poor choices over his lifetime. He was not a good father or husband to my mother. The things he did and choices he made could cause me to doubt my value, if I believed that I am who my family is. I could look at my mothers side of the family and since we don’t know who her father is, I could choose to feel shame that our family is not intact, although no one could have had a better mother than I do.



I have no rich or powerful relatives. There is no important or influential person that I can find in my family tree. On the flip side of that, there is so much unknown. Would my life change if I did find that one of my ancestors was famous, or contributed greatly to society?



I want to encourage you, if your family history sounds a bit like mine, that who you are is up to you. Despite whatever some in your family may have done wrong, only you can determine to make the right decisions and be who you want to be. Every life has its failures. Don’t let those failures weigh you down. Look for the good, no matter how small it may seem. At the very least, you have life because of someones choice.



Also, I want to remind those who do have a complete picture of where you came from that you have a true blessing. The blessing doesn’t come from bragging rights or from some relatives important place in history--though that is all well and good. Your blessing comes from having a sense of belonging, and continuity. Its not so much who your biological family was; its that you have the privilege of knowing-for better or worse. Sometimes just knowing that there was a pioneering soul in your family, for example, can inspire you to follow your heart and pursue your own dream. On the purely physical level, understanding that a certain medical condition runs in your family line can help you and your physician in assessing many possible health risks.



The most important thing any family can leave as a lasting legacy is a life that was hallmarked by love and kindness, and a willingness to sacrifice itself for those it left behind. Musical talent, or mathematical genius may be inborn, but moral character is, and values are, something we must always be taught.



When my great-great grandchildren look at their family tree, I hope they will find sturdy branches of lives shared and happy memories made. I want them to know all the funny stories and smile at the moments of our triumphs. Sure, I want there to be lots of photographs to ponder, old recipes to try and plenty of meaningful hand-me-downs to treasure. Better yet, I want them to know who we were, what we believed in, and what we hoped would be true for them. Maybe they will learn from us.



Most importantly, I want my future extended family to understand that we thought of them and what we could do to help shape their lives even before they were born! Perhaps then they will carry a sense of My People. Not a perfect or famous people, but people who chose to love.



The biggest lesson I have learned from my own searching is that the choices we make today will help determine how sound the branches of our family tree truly are in the future.



Published U. S. Legacies July 2004
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